I'm Already There
by lizzieten
Summary: "You fight a war for people you don't even know, in my eyes that makes you a guardian angel."
1. Chapter 1

I'm already there

Sam Winchester stood on a beach, looking out at the clear blue water. In a matter of hours, he would be leaving this safe haven for a whole other world. Or what was going to seem like another world, in truth it was only another country. He was being shipped overseas to fight in the war that was currently being waged against terrorism. This is the reason he had joined the military so that he could fight for freedom for all. What he hadn't planned on doing was meeting the girl of his dreams and falling in love. Just thinking about Jessica brought a smile to Sam's lips. He was head over heels crazy for her, and it would be harder than hell to leave her.  
"Hey, bro, going to daydream all day?" Dean asked approaching from behind.

"Not daydreaming, just thinking" Sam said "this is the last bit of peace I'm going to see for a while."

"Like I said when you joined, I think you're crazy, cause you have a beautiful woman who loves you, and you're going to be risking your life." Dean said.

"Our love is what I'm fighting for" Sam replied "I'm doing this so we can continue to have the freedom to love the way we do."

"Of course, sap, that's what you're doing, fighting for the freedom to love, how romantic." Dean teased. Knowing full well how his brother truly felt about what he was doing.

"You'll watch out for Jess, while I'm gone?" Sam asked, knowing Dean would do whatever he asked. "Make sure she doesn't get too lonely."

"You know I will" Dean assured him "I'll do anything for my baby brother." Sam rolled his eyes, as much as he loved Dean, his brother's immaturity drove him crazy.

Sam turned dark eyes back to the sea, he worried about Jessica. If he didn't make it back, he didn't want her to shut herself off from the world. He wanted her to marry someone and have children. It wasn't really fair of him to ask her to wait for him, when there was a chance he wouldn't come back.

"Dude, you won't be able to stop her from waiting for you. She adores you" Dean said as if reading his brother's mind.

"That's what I'm worried about, her loving a warrior." Sam said. There was no doubt about it; he adored her just as much. "I don't ever want to hurt her, and if I don't come back what do you think it will do to her."

"She'll grieve obviously, but she's much stronger than you realize" Dean said "she'll get through because I'm going to be there for her, so will Dad and Bobby, she won't deal with it alone. We won't let her. So stop thinking about death and start thinking about making it back."

"I guess that's half the battle there" Sam commented "you gotta believe you're going to make it through alright."

"I don't know what I would do without you sometimes" Sam said as they turned and started walking back down the beach towards the beach house that Sam and Jessica were currently renting.

"Hey, babe" Jessica greeted as Sam and Dean walked through the back door. "Get your thinking out of the way."

"Most of it" Sam said smiling and bending down and pressing a lite kiss against Jessica's lips.

"You shouldn't worry so much" she whispered against his lips, "you're going to be fine."

"I know" Sam said stepping back and leaning against the bare wall beside the fridge. "It's not so much myself I'm worried about it's you."

"I'll be fine" Jessica said smiling, the smile that was so beautiful it lit up Sam's heart just to see it. He loved the expression of joy on her face; there wasn't a better feeling than know he was loved by the woman that stood in front of him. "Knowing you, you're going to have your family watching over me."

"You know me too well" Sam said, smiling as he raised his hand and gently stroked her cheek.

"Not everyone gets their own guardian angel" Jessica said softly as she raised her hand and covered Sam's.

"I wouldn't go as far as to call me an angel" Sam chuckled; he was about as far from an angel, as the devil was.

"You're going to war for people you don't even know" Jessica said softly "in my eyes that makes you a guardian angel." And it made her love him even more than she already did.

"Do you know how much I love you?" Sam asked as he leaned forward and kissed her again.

"Yes, but I don't mind hearing it again" Jessica said, wishing this moment would never end.

"I love you more than anything or anybody" Sam said "my career as a soldier doesn't mean as much to me as you do." Jessica's heart swelled with love for the man that stood before her, she knew then she would wait however long it took for him to come home to her. She could never love anyone as much as she loved Sam.

Dean stood in the doorway to the living room, watching the young couple in the kitchen. The love they had for each other was nearly tangible; Dean could nearly feel from where he stood. It made him ache knowing, he wasn't likely to find a love like that. While he wished he could find that kind of relationship himself, he didn't begrudge his brother of any chance of happiness he could get Cause god knows Sam deserved every little bit he got, being raised the way they were, forced to live on the road all the time, never staying in anyone place for very long. Dean as much as he had enjoyed it was glad the hunting days were over and the demon had been dispelled. But now Sam was getting ready to go fight another evil, this time it wasn't no monster. It was human, and Dean hated what it was going to do to his gentle brother to have to take another human life lest he be the one brought home in a box. He only hoped that it didn't come down to that, he didn't want to think about life without his little brother, and watching Jessica grieve would kill him. He loved Jessica as much as he would love a little sister and hoped that she and Sam would tie the knot soon. She would be welcomed into the family; there was no one who didn't love the young woman who had stolen Sam's heart.

**So this story will probably only have a few chapters,and is based loosely on Lonestar's song I'm already there, so if you like please read and review. And if I get enough reviews I will post another chapter sometime this evening. Thanks for doing so Liz and there's a poll on my profile for which story should be updated next.**


	2. Chapter 2

I'm already there

Chapter two

Sam had left only a few short hours ago, and Jessica was already missing him. They had only been together for a little over a year but it was the happiest year of Jessica's life. Then he joined the army, she knew it would be likely he would be sent overseas, she hadn't realized just how badly she was going to miss him. It felt like there was a hole in her heart and the only way to fix it was to bring Sam back. She would never ask that of him, however, she also knew how important it was to him that he was doing what he was. Words couldn't express how proud she was of him, after all not everyone willingly chose to put their life on the line for complete strangers.

"Come home soon baby" Jessica murmured as she walked over to the wall that Sam's picture in full uniform was mounted on. "I miss you already and you haven't even come close to where you're going to be based." She reached out and ran her fingers over the glass, almost as if she could reach through and touch the man. "You have completely stolen my heart, just be careful and make sure it comes home." Turning away Jessica headed toward the bedroom, though it was still midday, she was drained of all energy. Watching a loved one leave for deployment had seemed to just suck her dry of energy.

Sam sat back against his seat, sighing, he didn't know how but he missed Jessica already. Their goodbye had been pretty painful, as much as Sam needed to be doing this, he wished he could keep Jessica wrapped in his arms all the time. Closing his eyes, he could picture her long blond hair wrapping around her, smiling face. Her blue eyes shining bright like a diamond. He didn't have to be told how she felt; he saw it every time he looked at her. He could only hope she seen the same when she looked at him. He sighed, opening his eyes, he tried to bite back the pain, as he remembered the tears sparkling in her eyes as he had released her from his embrace and backed towards the plane. That was a sight he never wanted to see again. Someone so warm and happy should never have to cry. Though he knew his departure would he hard on her, he had hoped he wouldn't be a witness to the tears. He had a feeling, his so called puppy dog eyes had worked on Dean like Jess's tears did on him. He could officially sympathize with his brother now, not after the full affect Jess's tears had on him.

Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a small picture of the two of them together, Sam had his arms wrapped around Jessica's waist, and she was laughing at something he had said. The joy had been plain to see in her eyes. As he ran his thumb over face, Jessica was back at home doing the same to the picture on the wall.

"Love you" Sam said softly as he placed the picture back in the pocket over his heart.

"You always carry your girlfriend with you?" a soldier across the aisle asked him, curious about the man who rarely hung out with in of the other soldiers, unless it was required.

"When I get back, I hope to make her my wife" Sam said softly.

"So you really love her then?" another one soldier asked.

"More than life itself" Sam replied thinking about how many times he had told her that in the past few weeks. He had gone out and bought an engagement ring, a few weeks ago, but he had been waiting for the right moment to ask.

Several hours later, Sam found himself disembarking from the plane at the base in which he would be stationed. The first thing he took notice of was the heat. His clothes immediately stuck to his skin, it was so hot. Looking around at the place called base, he notice that sand was everywhere, which he figured was to be expected, considering they were surrounded by desert. There were very few buildings behind the stone barrier that was supposed to be keeping the enemy out. Sam had his doubts as to whether or not it actually kept anybody out.

A few hours later after orientation, and a tour of the base, Sam had some free time he decided he would write the letter that was too get to Jessica only if the worst happened to him. He should have done it earlier but he had wanted to spend as much time with her as possible.

_ My Dearest Jessica,_

_If you're reading this than the worst has come to pass; and I was unable to make it home to you. I want you to know I love with you with every cell of my being you have made me happier than any man should ever be allowed to be. I want you to know the only regrets I have, is not making you my bride sooner. I pray that you can stand through the grief, I know it will be hard, trust me baby, it's hard being apart from you, I miss the feel of your lips on mine, but know this one day, after you have a lifetime of memories, when you have loved again, because I know one you day, you will, because you too much love to offer, I will kiss your lips again. Know that you will forever be in my heart until we meet again. I will always love you and look forward to meeting you once more. Please don't give up, the pain will be hard, but my family will be there to help you. Always remember I love you with all I am and I always will, know that I am truly now your guardian angel, I will always watch over 't let your lfe pass you by, weep not for the memories. _

_Loving and missing you_

_Your guardian angel, Sam_

Sam hoped he didn't ever have to send the letter, he couldn't bear the thought of his friends having to tell Jess, and his family, that he wasn't around anymore. He could see Jess' tearstained face in his minds eye now. it wasn't a very pretty picture, and it made his heart throb of Jessica even being in pain. He longed to wrap his arms to shield her from the agony he knew she would experience. Sam closed his eyes as a tear drifted down his cheek, even thinking about dying and leaving her alone, hurt worse than any injury he'd had in the past.

"I will come home," Sam said aloud "I will do whatever I have to come home to my Jess."

Thanks for reading, let me know what you think in a review, anybody know the words at the end of Sam's letter? One of my favorite songs to be sure. Liz


	3. Chapter 3

I'm already there

Chapter three:

_Jessica was sitting on the beach at the water's edge, enjoying the beautiful sunset. When she got the feeling she was being watched, turning she saw Sam coming towards her. She smiled, watching him stride towards her. There was something in Sam that screamed powerful, maybe it was the way his strong arms wrapped around her and held her tight she didn't know. _

_ "Hey, babe" Sam said kneeling down in the sand beside her. Reaching out he touched her cheek, and she smiled loving the feel of him. _

_ "Sam is something wrong?" she asked there was something different about him. She could sense it in his demeanor; he seemed sad. _

_ "Don't worry about me I'm fine" Sam said softly as he brought his other hand up and ran it through her hair "I'm happy where I am now, just remember how much I love you." His voice faded away as he slowly disappeared. _

Jessica sat up in bed with a gasp, tears spilling down her face. She had dreamed Sam had left her, had somehow been killed. She was glad it was only a dream. Breathing hard, Jessica raised her hand and wiped at the tears and the sweat that was streaming down her face. She doubted she'd be able to go back to sleep right now if she tried.

Getting up she made her way to the phone, she really needed someone to talk to right now. She dialed her sister's number and hoped she was home as she listened to the phone ring.

"Hello" a rather happy sounding voice answered.

"Brit, it's me" Jessica said

"Hey how are you, and how's Sam doing?" her sister was only a few years older than her. But the age difference never seemed to matter because the two girls were so close they could practically read each other's minds.

"I've been better, Sam left for his deployment today" Jessica added softly and Brittany could hear in her voice just how much she missed him.

"I'm sorry, it sounds like you're already missing him" Brittany said, and knowing Jess there was something she wasn't saying.

"I had a dream he died, he came and told me goodbye, he was happy where he was, and he loved me and wanted me to move on." Jessica said tears blurring her vision, just thinking about it broke her heart.

"Oh, Jess maybe it's just a dream and doesn't mean anything" Brittany said. Hating to think of what Sam's death would do to her. She didn't think Jess would ever get over it.

"When have I ever dreamed about something and it didn't come to pass?" Jessica asked quietly, as she wiped the tears away. She had never told Sam about the visions she had, for fear that he would think her crazy.

"Almost never" Brittany admitted "but maybe this doesn't have anything to do with that. Maybe your subconscious is just expressing how much you miss him and wish he was home."

"Lord, knows I wish six months was over already" Jessica said "I'm already looking forward to greeting him."

"Just keep looking forward to the day he comes home, it won't change anything other than how much you worry, but it'll give you something to look forward too." Brittany said. She had always known about Jessica's abilities and though they scared her with how accurate they could be it didn't make her love her sister any less.

"You know I hear if it helps you, when you can't sleep, sleep on the couch while Sam's deployed." Brittany said.

"I don't want to think about going back to sleep right now" Jessica said "I don't really want to risk another dream or vision or whatever the hell that was."

"Can't blame you for that" Brittany said "call some of your friends to spend the night, company always helps when you're lonely." She would volunteer herself, but she lived a couple thousand miles away.

"Sounds good to me" Jessica said "a girl's night in, sounds like a nice distraction."

"You know if I could be there right now I would don't you?" Brittany asked knowing her sister was feeling pretty lonely.

"Of course, and I know it's not possible because of your job." Jessica said loving her sister even more than she already did.

A few minutes later Jessica let Brittany get off the phone. She slide down the counter and sat on the floor. Tears filling her eyes once more, she missed her sister almost as much as she missed Sam. She sat there for what seemed like ages, trying to get her emotions under better control. When she finally felt a slightly bit better, she stood and headed for the bathroom. She didn't feel very human right now; a nice hot shower would feel nice.

Twenty minutes later and feeling refreshed, Jessica climbed out of the shower and into her terrycloth robe. She was headed into the kitchen when she heard a knock on the front door curious, because she hadn't yet called any of her girlfriends to come over yet.

Opening the door, her face froze in shock; she wasn't expecting the people standing on her doorstep.

**Probably not the best way to end this chapter but I didn't want to give too much away. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz**


	4. Chapter 4

I'm already there

Chapter four:

_Opening the door, her face froze in shock; she wasn't expecting the people standing on her doorstep._

Jessica stared in horror, at the Army officials that were in full dress uniform that was usually used on certain occasions, before her, and she knew in that instant, that Sam was gone.

"Ms. Moore," The first officer said "I regret having to inform you of this but Sam Winchester was killed in action" the CNO said gently, seeing the pain in the young woman's eyes. She swallowed hard against the bile rising in her throat, and stepped back and leaned against the doorway. She felt like she couldn't breathe, like her own life had just been taken away. It couldn't possibly be true, Sam couldn't be gone. And then she flashed back to her dream:

_"Don't worry about me, I'm happy where I am now, always remember how much I love you, and how I regret not being able to kiss you one more time…"_ Sam had been saying goodbye; there was no way around it.

"How does a solider get killed in their first week?" she asked as tears flooded her eyes and streamed down her face. Her heart felt like it had just been torn into a million pieces and there was no hope of putting it back together again. Jessica all at once felt the strength leave her and she collapsed to the ground as the tore through her body. She didn't want to believe her world had just literally crashed. She had always known this outcome would be possible, she just didn't think it would happen so soon. After all Sam hadn't been gone all that long. Words couldn't describe the way Jessica was feeling now; she only wished it would stop.

"His actions saved his teammates" CNO Charlie said gently, kneeling down beside her and placing a comforting arm around her shoulders, gently pulling her to her feet. Though she was in total agony she felt proud that Sam had put his teammates before himself.

"I know it hurts now, but one day I promise it will end, and you will be stronger for having gone through this." Charlie said, wishing he hadn't had to make this call. He always hated seeing the grieving wife, or girlfriends, soon to be brides. The feeling of pain was very tangible, all he had to do was reach out and touch it. He closed his eyes wishing he knew the words to ease her pain, knowing nothing he ever said could come close to helping her.

He helped her inside and to the couch where she heavily sat down. She took the Kleenex that was handed to her, though she knew she wouldn't be able to stop crying for a long while. For a moment she wondered if Dean, John and Bobby had been told yet.

"Does his family know?" she asked quietly, they deserved to know before she did.

"Somebody is with them now" Charlie said gently, "the Army sent a group to everyone whom Sam had listed on his papers, no one will be left out."

"Of course something like this would happen before I got to tell him" Jessica whispered wishing she had told Sam about this before he had left, she had a feeling he would have been overjoyed. Charlie looked at her curiously but didn't ask, if she wanted to share she would.

"I just found out I was pregnant" she whispered clutched the tissue in her hands harder, hard enough that it tore. "He'll never know he's a father, that he left one last legacy on this planet"

"I'm sure, wherever he is now, he'll be watching over you, and you're child" Charlie said hating himself even more for having had to give her this news. It was heartbreaking enough without knowing a child was on the way. Tears spilled down Jessica's face one more, and Charlie reached out and squeezed her hand gently.

"Is there someone you need to call, family that doesn't know yet?" Charlie asked, he would gladly make the calls for her, but she needed to be able to talk to her family about it herself. He would be here to support her throughout the conversation.

"My sister would want to know" she whispered looking down at the floor. Before reaching over and picked up the house phone that was sitting on the coffee table. Taking a deep breath, and struggling to stifle the tears she dialed her sisters number once more.

"Jess," her sisters voiced asked as soon as Brittany had picked up the phone.

"It's Sam" Jessica whispered "he's gone"

"Oh, Jess I am so sorry, I will be on the first plane out screw my job, you're much more important." Brittany said, hating that her sister was hurting and alone. "It might be a little while before I can get there but you know I'll get there."

"Of course I do" Jessica said softly, "I'm having a hard time believing it, He only left not too long ago and he was killed on his first mission."

"I'm sure it is hard to believe, you're probably still in shock" Brittany said hating the pain she could clearly hear in her younger sister's voice.

"Another thing is I just found out I'm pregnant" Jessica said breaking down into sobs, "he's never going to get to see his baby born."

"Oh, Jess" Brittany said tears beginning to fall down her face. She could feel how much Jessica was hurting. Not for the first time she wished she didn't live so far away.

**So yeah a tad depressing, sorry about but it's the way the story worked itself out in my head. Let me know what you think, thanks for reading and reviewing. Next chapter you will learn more about what happened to him. Liz**


	5. Chapter 5

I'm already there

Chapter five:

Sam Winchester had only arrived at his camp a matter of hours ago. He had already had a tour around the base, and introduced to the higher ups. He felt like he would do okay here, he might have a little trouble killing at first, but that was to be expected after Sam had never killed anything that was one hundred percent human before.

A few hours before, he'd had some free time after his so called orientation, he had gone back to his bunk and he had written Jessica another letter, this one would be sent only moments after he was finished.

_My Dearest Jessica,_

_I hope this letter finds you well; I have reached my destination, and have settled in fairly well. The only thing I lack is having you in my arms as I try to sleep. Even now my heart is still with you_ _even though we are thousands of miles apart. Remember I always love you and I always will. And when you get lonely just remember I am still there with you in the whisper of the wind that caresses your face, imagine it's my hand. And when you hug the bear I got you, imagine it's me your holding. Know that I long to be with you and will do all in my power to make it home to you, love you now and forever more._

_You're guardian angel,_

_Sam_

After Sam had finished Jessica's letter he started one to Dean and his father.

_Dean, Dad, Bobby,_

_I have reached my destination safely, have already attended orientation. The other soldiers seem nice enough, and willing enough to help me learn the ropes around the base. Later tonight I am going on my first mission the details of which I cannot say; just know that I'll do my best to be safe. But if the worst should come to pass, please look out for Jess for me, and yes Dean I know I have already asked this of you, but there's something about her, that I can't explain, but it's something from within her, something good, I know that much, I don't want her to be alone, know that I am always thinking of you guys._

_Love brother, son, nephew_

_Sam_

Sam sighed; homesickness was starting to set in already, though he had been there precious few hours. Glancing at his watch, he didn't have much time before he went out on his mission. Getting up Sam took his letters to where they would be mailed out as soon as possible. He missed Jessica with every fiber of his being, and he was wondering if it was the smart choice to join the Army, when it was obvious he had a bright future with Jessica. But then the Army would be down one less soldier fighting for Freedom.

After mailing his letters Sam, headed towards the base's meeting room. He didn't want to be late for his mission debriefing. And though he couldn't Jessica beside him on the mission, he still had her picture stowed in the pocket right above his heart. From here on out she would be wherever he went.

Once he was in the room, he sat in the middle of the room; he was the first one there. Which is the way he liked it, he hated being late for anything. He only had to wait ten minutes before everyone else started showing up. The debriefing lasted twenty minutes tops, turns out they were looking for insurgent leader, who had been attacking not only American troops but those who were actively taking a stand against them.

Sam couldn't imagine living in a place where the people basically had no freedom to choose for themselves. Then being raised like this and having known nothing else, he could see how they were used to it. He hoped while they were over here, things would start to change, and they could get the freedom they so deserved.

Thirty minutes later, Sam found himself and about ten other soldiers, in the armors Humvees heading out the local housing areas, where they would search each and every house until they either found, or didn't find the person who they were looking for. Sam had his doubts as to whether or not they would actually find him on this particular day. If they guy was smart enough he would be hiding in the mountains not hanging around town, unless he planning on another raid. He hoped not he didn't know how much more these people could take. The damage caused to their homes was extensive and a lot of them couldn't afford to even have them fixed. If Sam had the time, he would have helped them rebuild, he would prove that the American's did care about the innocent citizens whose homes and lives were being literally being torn apart by terrorism. It wasn't just the American's who were affected by the cruel heartless attacks.

A little while later found Sam walking point into yet another home. In walking point, it meant that Sam was the first to enter the building, which also meant he had better see any enemy before they saw him or those following him. He was aware all the time of the things going on around him, he didn't want to be the reason one of his fellow soldiers lost their life. Sam was also careful to be mindful of the ROE's (rules of engagement) lest, he be put on charge for murder for killing someone who wasn't apparently doing something evil. Sam didn't care too much for the rules already because the bad guys were already catching on that the American's had rules they had to fight by; so they got smarter about the way they fought. They didn't make it apparent they were carrying weapons, or bombs, or grenades until it was too late for the American soldier to do anything about it.

With this in mind, Sam was careful to approach the house with his m4 assault rifle raised and tucked tightly against his shoulder. The day had been pretty peaceful thus, far, only person and tried shooting them when they had entered a building and Sam was quick to make sure he never took another soldiers life again. He was drawing nearer to the door, when a strange feeling overcame him. He couldn't explain it but he knew something was going to happen in this particular house. Shoving his fear down deep, Sam approached the house. Now was not a good time for fear, fear could hinder a soldier and cause things not worth thinking about. Sam wasn't going to let that happen, he would protect his comrades at all cost, even if it meant he had to die to do so.

Walking in the house, Sam made sure there was no one in the first room, before signaling to the other soldiers the area was clear. There was no one in the next room either, so Sam headed down the hall and came to a rather large room that had a balcony at the going around the room. He signaled to another soldier to check the balcony out. When the other soldiers were in the room, he heard something hit the concrete floor, it was a grenade and if he didn't do something his whole team would be blown to bits. Knowing his actions were likely to kill him, he only had time to think:

_I'm sorry Jess, but I can't let my teammates die. _And with that he called out grenade and while his teammates tried to take shelter. Sam jumped on the grenade and covered it with his body before it exploded.

**If you have seen the movie Act of Valor think of what the LT Roark done for his guys. Love that movie probably seen it a hundred times by now, if you haven't seen it, I really do suggest you see it, it's awesome. Anyways thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz**


	6. Chapter 6

I'm already there

Chapter six:

**May I suggest listening to In the Arms of an Angel, while reading this chapter? It's a lovely song, and fits just about perfectly with this story.**

Dean stared at the Army official standing before him.

"You can't be serious" Dean said "Sam can't be dead already; he's barely even been there a day."

"I'm sorry, but your brother is dead" Don said firmly, he knew the news would come hard to the family. The father had yet to say anything, and the uncle just stood there, as if not believing what he was hearing.

"You have to be wrong" Dean declared "there can be no way possible that he's dead, he's my baby brother." Don felt sorry for them; often the news of a loved one's death always came hard. Just looking at Dean, Don knew the news when the shock wore off was going to hit him hard. It seemed to hit the hardest on the families that were closest, and just by looking Don knew Dean and Sam had been closer than most brothers. He hated that he had just destroyed the bond the boys had apparently shared. There were days he hated what he done, and this was one of them.

"You have to be lying" Dean said again, as he sat down on the couch. He could still his brother laughing at something he had said. Still see Sam smiling whenever he saw Jessica.

"Jessica" Dean muttered "did anyone tell her?" he looked about as despondent as Don felt.

"Yes, sir, Charlie is with her now" Don replied he felt even sorrier for the young woman he had only met once. He hated war with a passion; nothing good came from it; only pain and loss on both sides.

"Do you know how he died?" John asked finally breaking his silence. There was no doubt he was still shocked though, you could see it in his eyes.

"He was searching a house and grenade got tossed, so in order to keep his teammates from being killed, he shielded with his body." Don replied, seeing that the details only further hurt the elder brother.

"So he saved his team" John said softly, proud of his son, though his heart ached that he had lost his last gift from Mary. "Couldn't have been a better way to go."

"He shouldn't have had to die at all" Dean said, feeling like tearing the room apart to make them listen. His baby brother couldn't be dead. Tears sprung in his eyes, his little brother's death was something he had been trying to prevent for years. Now, some person had easily taken his gentle brother's life. What kind of monster could do that.

"I'm going to rip that person's lungs out and make him eat them" Dean growled, grief starting to break through. "I'm gonna kill that murdering son of a bitch, if it's the last thing I do."

"Dean," Bobby said gently "it won't do any good it won't bring Sam back." He knew how the military worked he knew Sam's teammates would stop at nothing until Sam's killer was dead.

"That asshole doesn't deserve to live, not if Sam can't" Dean growled picking up at lamp and throwing at the wall. He was angry, angrier than he had been in a long time.

"Why the hell did he have to go and join the military anyways" Dean said, "why was he stupid enough to go to war in the first place?"

"Your brother was not stupid, he went to war willingly to protect this country we live in" John said hating the pain and grief he saw in Dean's eyes.

"Why care about country that won't give a shit if you die for them or not" Dean said. Hurting badly and wanting it to end. He wanted to go to a bar and get drunk and then get in a fight, to take his pain out on somebody else.

"Doesn't matter if they care about his sacrifice or not" John said "What matters is that Sam cared enough, was willing enough to die if that's what it came down to."

"But clearly he wasn't thinking about what it would do to his family." Dean said softly, tears blinding him.

Warning next chapter will be the funeral so be prepared. It's not going to be fun to write thanks for reading and reviewing. liz


	7. Chapter 7

I'm already there

Chapter seven

Dean walked through the church doors, and down the aisle towards the front row, sitting down beside Jessica who was sitting there crying quietly; he put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. Dean had no idea how he had made it through the visitation; he just knew the funeral itself was going to be hard as hell. His heart broke even more as he looked towards the front of the building. He hated seeing the box that contained his little brother. _This isn't right _Dean thought _we shouldn't even be here right now, Sam should be getting married to Jess and having a litter of kids, not getting buried. Why did he choose to play hero, when he could still be just a person and still be alive. _

"I miss him so much already, Dean" Jessica said softly from beside him. "It doesn't even seem real."

"I know what you mean" Dean said wishing he could go to a bar and get blasted out of his mind. Words couldn't describe how badly he was hurting. His heart felt like it had been completely destroyed, there was nothing but an empty space beating in his chest.

John and Bobby walked in from where they had been outside for the past few minutes talking. They walked towards the front of the church, and stood in front of Sam's flag draped casket.

"I know I haven't said it even nearly enough" John said softly talking to the box that contained his little boy. "But I am so proud of you, I always have been. I wish it didn't take you dying for me to be able to say it, I suppose that will always be something I regret. I trained you to survive against supernatural monsters; little did I know it would be a human monster to end your life. What you did for your teammates, I should have known it would be something you would do, you are the most unselfish son a father could ask for, and you gave so much without anyone ever asking. It makes a father extremely proud to have a son like you, I love you so very much, I just wish I could have been able to tell you before it came down to this." John felt tears prick his eyes, even as he remembered the toddler that would cry out for both Dean and John when he would have a nightmare. Never had he wished more now than ever, that he had been a better father, that he could have given both Sam and Dean the things they had truly needed, instead of focusing on his own vengeance.

Bobby placed his hand on John's shoulder and squeezed gently. He knew his old friend was filled with guilt and grief for the son that had the whole world going for him. He felt it himself; he had always loved those two boys like they really were his nephews. It hurt that Bobby had outlived the youngest Winchester because life wasn't supposed to work like that, the old were supposed to die before the young. Bobby walked with John to the front row on the opposite as Pastor Jim Shepard, approached the pulpit. Two minutes later a song started playing.

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

All beautiful release

Memories seep from my veins

Let me be empty

Oh and weightless maybe

I'll find some peace tonight.

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You were pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here.

Tears filled Jessica's eyes, as she realized just how true it was, Sam was truly now in the arms of an angel. She longed to be the one holding him. Before now she had never really given any thought to having to live without Sam. Now she was facing a future bereft of Sam and she was going to be raising their child alone. Soft cries turned to sob the longer the song played. Dean pulled her close. He hated hearing the young woman grieving for his brother, cause if there was any way to do it, Dean would have traded places with Sam in an instant. Sam deserved everything life had to offer.

Once the song ended, Pastor Jim stood up and walked to the pulpit.

"Greater love has no man than this that he lay down his life for a friend." Jim said quietly "Sam demonstrated this verse perfectly by the actions he took to save his teammates." He took a deep breath, he hadn't been surprised when he heard that Sam had saved his team's life, but he was incredibly sad that his life had ended.

"I've known Sam's family for years so it doesn't surprise me that he gave his life for his friends," Jim said glancing over at the flag covered casket. "I remember a young man who from the time he could read was eager to learn. He was one of the brightest kids I ever knew, and he loved to play pranks, I recall a time he dyed his brother's hair, purple. He loved to have fun but in all seriousness he loved people. He would always whatever he could to help someone out, no matter how far he had to go out of his way to do it."

Dean smiled as he remembered the prank; he had put itching powder in the kid's clothes, when h was twelve. Leave it to Sam to find a creative way to pay him back. It hurt knowing he would never have that chance again. He was still all for going to Iraq and killing the murdering son of a bitch. Only his family was keeping him here, his father, and Jessica needed him.

Finally came the last call to pay their respects, and Dean stood with Jessica on his arm. He walked with her to the front, stopped in front of the casket. He reached out and touched the flag.

"Man, it's too soon to have to say goodbye" Dean said quietly "you didn't deserve this, and I would gladly trade places with you in a heartbeat. Even with what we done for years you somehow retained certain innocence about you. I'll never forget the way you always had my back, and would always say I told you so after a particularly bad hunt, I wish I had been there to have your back," Dean finished as a tear dropped down his face. "I'm sorry I couldn't stop it, I couldn't even be there to keep you safe, how many times have you had my back in the past?"

John felt bad for Dean upon hearing the words coming from his mouth. Dean would blame himself, even though Dean knew full well, he couldn't have changed anything; somehow John knew Sam wouldn't have changed the outcome of things. Another thing he knew his family would be grieving for years after this, nothing would ever be the same for the Winchesters.

Jessica stared at the flag draped coffin entrapping her lover. She wished she knew the words to say to end Sam's family grief but at the same time she wanted hers to end too.

"I wish I could have told you this before you left, but I didn't find out until after you had left, but you were going to be a father, I'm having your baby, and you're not here for me to actually be able to tell." Jessica broke down sobbing, and fell to her knees as her grief became too strong for her to handle. Dean having been standing there beside her turned and stared at her, when she made her announcement. The news made him feel even worse, then he already did, he wished even more that he could take Sam's place.

Okay so there are one maybe two chapters left, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz


	8. Chapter 8

I'm already there

Chapter eight

Dean completely and totally stunned at what had just been reveled looked over at John, whom looked like he would die from shock. Dean kneeled beside Jessica and wrapped his arms around her. As much as he was hurting from the loss of Sam; she was hurting that much more.

"How am I going to get through this?" Jessica sobbed quietly, her heart was now completely shattered, and it felt like nothing could ever fix it again.

"You'll get through cause your strong" Dean said softly "Sam wouldn't want you to hurt like this." In fact Dean knew Sam would hate to see Jessica all tore up like this. He knew if Sam could see her now, his heart would be breaking. Closing his eyes he tried to summon the words that would ease at least temporarily her pain, unsurprisingly he found he couldn't think of anything. Couldn't find the words to ease his own hurt.

Standing Dean helped Jessica to her feet, his duties as pall bearer were about to start. Jessica went and stood by her sister while Dean, John and Bobby and few of Sam's soldier buddies lined up beside the casket. Dean didn't know how he was going to do this, saying goodbye shouldn't hurt so much, yet it did. Feeling a hand on his shoulder, he looked over at his dad.

"Don't think about what you're doing" John said knowing the battle that was going on in Dean's mind knowing that he was struggling with his grief even at that moment. "Just blank your mind until we get to the gravesite."

Dean tried to do what his Dad suggested as they lifted the casket onto their shoulders and started towards the door. But memories of a little Sam kept racing through his mind, refusing him even a moment's peace. He remembered one time John had left them at country house to go on solo hunt for once, and of course Dean was left in charge, Sam hadn't been more than twelve at the time, and the kid had been annoying him about something. Dean had finally had enough and went outside and duct taped Sam to the tree and left him there for the next twenty minutes. When Dean had finally cut him free, Sam had been pissed and had refused to talk to him for the rest of the day. A few days later Dean's white clothes had mysteriously turned pink, Dean had always known Sam had been responsible.

Dean blinked back tears as he tried to ignore the fact that his little brother's body was in the box he was currently placing in the back of the hearse. Why did all the memories he had of Sam have to play now, of all times? Why did it have to be Sam who died, why couldn't it have been someone else? Even as Dean thought it he was instantly ashamed, if Sam hadn't died it would be some other family going through this ordeal, Sam wouldn't have wanted that.

Fifteen minutes later found themselves at the Lawrence Kansas cemetery, where Sam was to be buried beside his mother. To John this was going to be the hardest part, of the whole thing. Laying his youngest boy to rest, no father should ever have to experience what he was going through right now. Looking over at Dean, John could tell he was fighting a losing battle against the memories; John himself had a few flashbacks, over the course of the service. Unlike Dean, they weren't good memories, they were ones John deeply regretted and wished he could make up for; like all the times he had accused Sam of being selfish because he didn't want to hunt. Telling Sam he wasn't good enough to part of the family, because he didn't want spend his life hunting. Constantly berating his baby, never telling him just how much he loved him. These were the things he would never be able to make up for, no matter how much he wished he could. Closing his eyes, John took a deep breath and watched as his baby was lowered into the ground.

Even as the graveside service proceeded military and civilians lined the street, holding flags, or saluting. They may not have known the man, who died, but he had made the ultimate sacrifice for their country and he deserved all the respect their small town could give. Even when the 21 gun salute was performed the people remained, even as the family and friends were leaving the cemetery.

As John and Dean were leaving with Bobby and Jessica, they noticed the full extent of military and civilian turnout, hundreds lined the streets. John was deeply honored that people who didn't even know Sam, cared enough to honor him at his last resting place.

**The duct tape to tree trick was something my older brothers done to me when I was around that age. Till this day when their around still end up in a prank war with them. Always fun. Anyways thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz**


	9. Chapter 9

I'm already there

Chapter 9

Six months later

Jessica stood over the grave of her lost love, her hand rubbing her extended belly. How she longed for Sam, to feel his arms around her once more. She wished he could feel how his son would kick whenever she was trying to sleep.

"Hey, Baby" she murmured to the stone as she reached down and traced his name over the stone. "I still miss you so much it hurts, they say time heals all wounds but I have yet to stop missing you." A tear slipped down her face. "I still love you with all that's in me; it only grows deeper by the day. I can't imagine loving anyone else the way I love you." She paused as she felt her little boy kick from within. It was one of the rare days he was active during the day.

"You're son is growing fast, he'll be coming into the world soon, I wish you could be here to meet him" another tear slipped down her face. These past few months had been hard; she didn't know how she could have made through without Sam's family. Dean had been with her almost every day, encouraging her to do the things she would normally do. Encouraging her to live her life as if she didn't have to live with the loss of Sam. That was hard to do, because everywhere she went reminded her of some memory of the days she'd had with Sam.

"Dean still misses you too; he went out and got drunk the other night, ended up getting arrested, for his trouble." Jessica sighed thinking of Dean and how much he was still hurting months later made her wonder if it would ever get better. "He's a good man your brother, he's been there for me like you asked him to. I think he regrets being unable to save you, I can see it in his eyes, the pain, it's not going away." She closed her eyes briefly, as she felt another flare of longing. She had moved from California, to Lawrence so she could visit Sam's grave as much as she wanted. Sensing someone coming up behind her, she turned and saw Dean coming towards her.

"How'd I know this is where you'd be?" Dean asked. He knew where she'd because she came by every single day. He couldn't blame her; he did the same thing, only he usually came after dark when getting drunk didn't ease the pain anymore.

"I come every day" she said smiling lightly, "I like talking to him, I feel like he can still hear me, there's days I think I can still feel him standing behind me."

"He shouldn't be here" Dean said, there were times when he was still angry at the person who had taken his little brother's life.

"I'm proud he put his friends before himself" Jessica said "how many other soldiers would do that?"

"I'm sure any of them would" Dean said "I just have a hard time accepting that's what Sam chose to do." Jessica smiled as she felt the baby kick again. She couldn't wait until he was born, when he was old enough she planned on bringing him by. He would grow up knowing his father was a hero, that he didn't die in vain.

Twenty minutes later Jessica was headed back towards the car. Her heart was starting to feel a little bit lighter. While she still grieved and missed Sam, she didn't spend all her nights crying her eyes out. Thought she did have bouts of loneliness, during the evenings when no one was around. Healing completely would come with time she was sure though from her perspective it seemed like it never would. She hoped as she found her peace with Sam's untimely death that Dean and his family would too.

Two years later

Jessica Moore once again stood at the foot of her former lover, this time she had a two and half year old, curly , dark haired little boy with her. The young child was literally the image of his father.

"My daddy rests here?" the little boy asks, Jessica smiled as the child curiously walks around the grave.

"Yes, your daddy was a hero, he died saving his friends from certain death."

"I want to be a hero just like my daddy!" the little boy declared. They stayed for a little while longer, as the little boy talked to his father.

"When I grow up you're going to be proud of me" he said softly and as Jessica turned to head toward the car, he paused before following.

"Mommy still loves you"

"Sam, it's time to go" Jessica called from a few feet away. Her heart still ached from Sam's loss from time to time but nowhere near what it used to. she loved Sam and she always would but she felt it was no time to move on with her life. Even so as got into her car, with young Sam in his car seat, she turned the car on and the song that started playing made her smile.

I will remember you

Will you remember me

Don't let your life pass you by

Weep not for the memories.

**End of this journey though I am thinking about writing a prequel of sorts for how Sam and Jessica met. This story was a bit of therapy for me because I had friend who died in similar way in Afghanistan two and a half years ago. Hope you liked it and thanks for reading and reviewing. Liz**


End file.
